new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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