i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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