Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
