guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
