ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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