Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
