I'm really into asian looking animals
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
