why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
