The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
