And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
