matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We are all done wearing pants today
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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