Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
