that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
