Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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