remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
