five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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