Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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