just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's shark week go big or go home
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
