Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
