I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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