And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
