I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
