no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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