We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
my liver is dry heaving
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
