People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
