He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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