I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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