by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
