I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
