Quick, to the slutcave!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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