bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
