Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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