It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
