I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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