You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
