We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
