Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
