Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
