Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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