Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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