You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
