The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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