I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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