I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
