i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
