Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Less talking, more tequila
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
