his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
