At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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