Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
