the day after is always just damage control
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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