I could have mohawked her pubes.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
