Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
