I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
