I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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