I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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